This month was the 2nd anniversary of losing James and just like that’s it’s come and gone. This time I honestly don’t feel in anyway different to what I did a few weeks ago, I thought I would feel a sense of relief when the day passed like I did last year but somehow I feel worst. I think last year was all about getting through the 1st anniversary as everyone knows that will be the worst but what I didn’t realise is this was the first of many events that would bring this same sense of sadness and anguis in the lead up.
The aftermath has become more apparent this year and I’ve discovered that no matter how much I try and resume to what I think is normal life things will never ever be the same, it’s about trying to find a new normal, whatever that may be.
There are still joyful moments in my life, especially with my children but these are also tinged with a sadness in knowing that our James will never be here to share them or experience these for himself.
It’s James’s birthday tomorrow, I’ve been moving around frantically trying to get jobs done in order to distract myself but I can feel that stabbing pain in my stomach knowing my brother will be forever 32. We’re letting biodegrade balloons off with my little boy Jacob and he told me not to be sad as the balloon would go straight up to heaven 🖤 I honestly don’t know where I would be without them.
She’s a waterfall 